A Little Bit More
by muppet47
Summary: "I actually bet you," Castle says. "As in a wager. I'll get you to accept a pony AND Christmas magic." Season 2 Au. Castle buys Beckett a pony. A very, very, very late prompt fill for ThankYouTerri. Happy Christmas all year!
1. Chapter 1

_"Maybe Christmas, he thought...doesn't come from a store. Maybe Christmas, perhaps..." _

_-How the Grinch Stole Christmas, _by Dr. Seuss

A Little Bit More

"So." Castle comes out of nowhere and slides into his chair by Kate's desk, propping his chin on his hand and wiggling his eyebrows at her. He has a cheery red scarf flung around his neck and smells like snow. "What are you doing? Something fun?"

Kate glances at him from under her eyelashes and ignores the stupid little flip in her stomach at his unexpected arrival. "Paperwork, Castle. Your favorite." She raises her own eyebrows and refuses to smile at his excessively happy, holiday-cheer face. "To what do I owe the pleasure?" she asks. "Are you here to help?"

"Nooooo." Castle leans back in his chair. "Why would I do that? No, I'm here to give you this." He sets a small, festively wrapped square box in the middle of her report.

Kate can't stop herself from rearing back in her seat. "What is that?" she says, much the same way she would ask about an insect or a rodent or something else unpredictable and mildly terrifying.

"A Christmas present!" Castle crows, clearly delighted with himself. "Open it."

Oh no. Kate's stomach does that stupid thing again because they don't…she can't…She clears her throat. "It's not Christmas," she says, annoyed, at him and her ridiculous stomach. "And we aren't exchanging presents."

"Christmas is in five days, and you should have clarified the present situation earlier." Castle gives her an exaggerated shrug. "Sorry. Now it's too late. Open it."

"No thanks." Kate picks up the box with her fingertips and places it in front of him. The suspiciously small box that might as well be an actual can of worms. No.

"You'll hurt my feelings," Castle wheedles, pushing the box back towards her. "Aren't you curious? I put _a lot_ of thought into this."

That's what Kate's afraid of. "Castle," she huffs. "I don't have time for this today. We've had three bodies since yesterday morning -"

"Three bodies and you didn't call me once?" Castle interjects, outraged.

Kate rolls her eyes. "The cases were boring, no reason to call you. Suspects are all already in custody." That's only half true. The other half is that murders around the holidays tend to be extra senseless and depressing and Kate just can't deal with Castle's over-the-top bright cheer, his relentless Christmas happiness, not when she spends this month and the next just trying to make it through without being dragged down into the dark.

"Yeah, but -" Castle blusters.

"_Anyway_," Kate interrupts. "Now I have a ton of paperwork, and don't have time for," she waves her hand over the frighteningly festive box. "This."

Castle -shockingly - says nothing, just squints a little, doing that unnerving thing like he's trying to read her soul.

"Sooooo," Kate says, pulling out a blank form. "I'll call you if anything comes up." It's just that he really needs to leave, is all. She's busy, and she can't work with him staring at her like…he just needs to go. "If I don't see you before the holidays have-"

"Beckett," Castle cuts in, like she wasn't even talking. He's abruptly changed tactics and is using his very best "let's be reasonable" tone. It should be laughable because it's_ Castle_, but sometimes it's oddly affective in a way that leaves Kate off balance.

"What?" she asks, glancing at her notes so she can fill in the victim's address on the paperwork. Don't look at him. It's worse if she looks at him.

"The sooner you open your gift the sooner I'll leave."

Kate pauses, her pen halfway to the paper. That's…a surprisingly good argument, actually, if a little anticlimactic. Castle is fully capable of sitting in that chair all day waiting for her to open his present, and she doesn't want that. She doesn't. Obviously.

"Fine," Kate mutters, giving in with no grace whatsoever. She snatches up the box and pulls the paper off, ruthlessly refusing to be charmed by the elaborate bow.

Castle bounces a little in his chair.

Kate opens the box. Inside is…what is this? She carefully pulls out a a delicate chain festooned with some sort of charm. Kate squints. It looks like….oh, no way.

Castle actually claps his hands. "It's a pony! Get it? I told you I would get you a pony."

_He__'s beaming_. Oh good lord. He is so, just -

"This is dumb. You're dumb." Kate tries to study the necklace without being obvious. It's silver and sparkly and she would have loved it more than anything when she was twelve. Oh god, the pony's eye is some sort bright jewel, and knowing Castle it's probably an actual diamond. "Where did you get this?"

"Tiffany's," Castle says, the _of course_ unspoken but implied, and holy shit, she's going to kill him.

"I don't believe you did this."

"Come on." He gives her shoulder a light shove, his smile brighter than a Christmas tree. "You think it's funny."

Kate tries not to notice how eager he looks, like he really cares if she gets the joke, if she likes it. "This is too expensive to be funny."

Castle scoffs, "It's not that expensive."

Kate snaps the box shut and tries to hand it back to him. "Pretty sure you and I have different definitions of expensive." Like one of them can afford to throw away a hundred thousand dollars on a failed plan to catch the murder of someone else's mother, but_ no_, no, Kate shuts down that train of thought immediately, because the reason for Castle's impetuous but overwhelming generosity is something she absolutely can't think about yet. Or maybe ever. She shakes the box at him. "I'm not taking this, Castle."

Castle waves a hand in the air, dismissing the expense and dodging the box she's waving at him. "It's rude to comment on the price of a gift, Beckett. Just think of it as part of the magic of Christmas." He smiles at her, like he's having fun, and something in Kate snaps.

"_Castle_. I'm not taking this, and I don't want your Christmas magic," she almost snarls, and if the merriment drops right off Castle's face then that's just too bad, no one asked him for his pony necklaces and his holiday cheer and his heartfelt, intimate gestures that are just too much to handle right now. Kate rattles the box at him, her arm outstretched, and tries not to notice that her hand is quivering.

"Fine." Castle takes the box,_ finally_, his warm fingers accidentally brushing hers, not that she notices. "You win the battle, Beckett, but not the war. I will get you to accept a pony. And while I'm at it, I'll show you the magic of Christmas."

"Really?" Kate snorts. "How do you plan to do that?"

"Oh, you know. Three ghosts at midnight, visions of Christmas past. The usual."

Kate very firmly doesn't think of Christmases past, when her mom was alive and Christmas really was magical. She forces a sharp laugh past the lump in her throat. "Save us both the aggravation Castle, because that's never happening. Either one of those things."

Castle gives her an appraising look and says nothing for several long seconds while Kate stares unseeing at the form on her desk. Finally, "I bet I can," he says quietly.

Kate huffs, "No, you ca - "

"No," Castle cuts her off. "I mean, I actually bet you. As in a wager. I'll get you to accept a pony_ and_ Christmas magic, and if I don't, I'll do your paperwork for two weeks."

Oh, please. Kate can't stop the eye roll. "You're not a police officer, you can't - "

"I will_ help _you do your paperwork for two weeks," Castle corrects, barreling on undeterred.

Kate rubs her temple. She's getting a headache. "If I agree to this, will you leave?"

"Yes! And you probably won't see me for a whole day! Unless there's a body drop, but -"

"Fine."

"Did you say fine?" Castle actually does a little hop of excitement. "Yay! This is going to be awesome!"

"I'm very positive that it's not."

But Castle isn't listening. "Okay, okay, I've got a lot to do. Call me if there's a case!" And then he's gone toward the elevators, his red scarf flapping behind him like a flag of good cheer.

Kate forces her attention back to the boring files on her desk, and very, very carefully doesn't think about what Castle's planning, or why he even cares. Because she doesn't. Care.

* * *

Prompt - Season 2 AU Castle "buys" Beckett a pony named 'Magic". He gave her the gift of Magic

Submitted by Indrani_S.

Filled as a gift to Nic6879 (ColieMacKenzie) for their generous contibution to /ThankYouTerri.

See all the prompts and fills at tagged/tyfill

This SHOULD have been posted in December (thus the Christmas theme) as a fill for the wonderful ThankYouTerri campaign. Thanks to everyone involved for putting up with my lateness. I am very grateful to be a part of this, however belatedly.


	2. Chapter 2

"Hey! Wait up!"

Kate stops in front of the apartment building as Ryan and Esposito head through the door. She looks back to see Castle untangling himself from a cab, a bright red gift bag swinging from his hand.

Seriously? They're at a crime scene, for God's sake.

"That had better not be for me," she says, pointing at him and his stupid gift bag as he jogs up beside her.

Castle skids to a halt and pulls the door opened, flashing her a happy grin. Today his scarf is blue with little embroidered snowflakes.

"Of course it's for you, Beckett. I have a bet to win, no time to waste."

Kate steps into the lobby and stalks toward the elevator without acknowledging him, because maybe if she ignores him he'll stop. She stabs at the elevator button with perhaps more force than is strictly required. Castle sidles up beside her, the red of the gift bag bright in her peripheral vision.

She lasts about five seconds. "How did you even have time to come up with that?" she blurts out. This is not ignoring him. "You made that bet yesterday." Dammit.

"Twenty-four hours, Beckett! Plenty of time!"

Kate turns around just so he can see her roll her eyes. "Don't you ever do any work at all? No, don't answer."

"Rescuing your holiday spirit is the most important work I could possibly be doing." Castle holds out the bag. "I want you to be happy."

He sounds so sincere that Kate is surprised into taking it. She holds it away from her body and ignores the little flutter in her chest. "This doesn't mean you've won or anything. I'm only opening this because you can't carry it into a crime scene."

"You're right, that would be totally rude and inappropriate." Castle squeezes his hands into excited fists as they step on the elevator. "Open it!"

Kate reaches into the bag and pulls out something small and light, carefully wrapped in red and white striped tissue paper. It's lumpy, so at least it's not more jewelry, and it doesn't_ feel _expensive, thank the Lord. She peels the tissue back, oddly reluctant to tear it. When she sees what's inside her heart gives a traitorous little bump. In the middle of her palm sits a purple plastic pony, its mane and tail a silky pink and purple shot through with glitter strands.

"It's a My Little Pony!" Castle bursts out. He's almost shimmering with delight, the doofus.

"I don't know what that is," Kate lies, because there may or may not be a shoe box somewhere full of My Little Ponies left over from when she was eight, but she's not telling Castle that. It will only encourage him.

"I don't believe you," Castle sing songs, still smiling. "A little Kate Beckett who loved horses? You know you had twenty of these." He bumps his shoulder with hers. "None like this one, though. Look at the cutie mark."

"How do you even know what a cutie mark is?" Kate asks, turning the pony over to study its flank before she even realizes what she's doing. Instead of one of the My Little Pony character cutie marks, this one has a tiny picture of a police badge. Kate stares, unblinking. He got her a police My Little Pony. She won't be charmed by this. She won't.

"Duh. Alexis," Castle answers, punching elevator buttons instead of looking at her, thank god, so he doesn't see her trying to control her face. "She must have had every single pony. Don't tell her I told you, but we still watch the show sometimes. She _DVR__'s_ it."

"Really," Kate says. She's going for sardonic, but somehow her voice comes out all stupid and soft, and it's just that Castle's a really good father, okay? She just…it's just nice that he's such a good dad. It doesn't mean that she likes his ridiculous, adorable, personalized pony. She twirls the soft tail around her thumb and rubs the badge with the tip of her finger.

"Well, it's a good show." Castle's cutting his eyes sideways at her, the corners of his mouth tilted up, like he's onto to her, like he can tell she likes it.

"So, are you a Brony, Castle?" Kate asks to cover the too-loud thump of her heart. As they step off the elevator, she can see Ryan and Esposito at the end of the hall outside the opened door of an apartment.

"Ha! I knew you were well-versed in pony lore." Castle looks so happy his eyes are actually twinkling.

"Whatever. I can't believe you did this." She shakes her head. He's not getting to her, nooooo, not even if this whole My Little Pony situation is oddly adorable. "_How_ did you do this?"

"I know this guy…" Castle starts.

"You? Know a guy?" Kate teases, and what, what, what is she doing? Because that sounds like flirting.

Castle's smile stretches even more. "Yeah," he says, his voice sort of low, and is he standing really close? He seems close. "He's a _hardcore_ Brony, makes all sorts of custom ponies."

"And you just knew about this guy off the top of your head and got him to make you this pony in the last 24 hours?"

"Weeeellll," Castle tilts his head, his eyes fixed on hers, and it's really, really hot in this hallway, right? The sleeve of Castle's jacket is brushing her arm and his proximity is making it hotter. She can feel her cheeks getting flushed. "Maybe I already had this pony."

"For who?" Kate gets out, even though her mouth is suddenly dry. From the _heat, _not, not…anything else.

"Whom."

"Shut up. Why did you have this pony? How long?" And shit, that sounds just a little too intense, a tad too hot and bothered, but that's because it's a thousand degrees in here, anyone would be. And yes, maybe it's suddenly really, really important that she know_ for whom_ Castle bought this pony, but that's only because…because…whatever, it just is.

Castle shifts his weight, moving a little out of her personal space, and shrugs. "It just reminded me of you, is all."

Kate accidentally steps back in, close enough that she can feel the heat of his body again and okay, obviously she's going crazy, but she just…"How long?" she asks again, her voice pitched tight, and what is wrong with her? It's just a stupid toy. That - oh god - he bought for no reason other than because it reminded him of her.

"It might have been, I don't know, four months ago?" Now Castle's looking at her from under his ridiculous eyelashes. Eyelashes that are apparently magic, because they make his eyes look startlingly blue, even in the dim light of this crappy hallway.

"Four months. You bought this for me four months ago and have been saving it for Christmas? " Kate tries very hard to tone down the pitchiness and not sound like his dumb, sweet, thoughtful gesture is simultaneously charming her and scaring the shit out of her. "Why?"

Castle's eyes are back on her, appraising. Finally he shrugs. "Because you're my friend. And friendship is magical. Just like these ponies." He waggles his eyebrows at her, and it isn't cute, except it totally is. "You know what else is magic? Christmas. And me winning this bet."

"You have not won the bet." Kate scoffs, but something in her relaxes as his words put them back on familiar ground, reminding her that he's doing this to win the bet.

"But you want it," Castle smugs. "I can tell. You want to put that pony on your desk and brush its mane when no one is looking."

"You're ridiculous," Kate says, twisting another loop of the tail around her thumb.

"Okay." Castle gives the biggest, fakest sigh ever. "If you really don't like it I can take it back - "

He reaches for the pony and Kate's body is clearly operating without her consent because she holds the pony tighter and steps out of his reach. "No, I -" Oh no.

"Ha!" Castle points a finger at her. "You do like it! I'm totally winning this bet!" He does something goofy with his feet that's probably supposed to be a victory jig, and he doesn't look so much smug anymore as he does gleeful, like maybe her happiness really was his whole goal, for real.

"Whatever, Castle," Kate says, but her stomach feels fluttery and she's biting her lip to keep from smiling and the pony is clutched in her hand, the silky tail still wrapped around her thumb. There are Christmas lights around a doorway across from them, the blinking colors making even this dingy hallway suddenly seem sort of festive.

"Yo, Beckett." Esposito sticks his head out of the apartment at the end of the hall. "You need to get in here, this one's a mess."

* * *

A mess. A huge, bloody, tragic mess.

Kate rubs the back of her wrist against her forehead and straightens up. Beside her, Lanie steps back as the the guys bag the body, a woman in her late thirties, fatally shot when she and her kids walked in on a robbery in progress. Lanie squeezes Kate's elbow as she heads towards the door but says nothing, and Kate is grateful.

"They took the kids to the hospital." Castle's behind her, his voice thin, hesitant. Wearily, Kate turns and finds him washed out, his merriment and fun from before all faded away. Watching three children sob for their dead mother in front of their Christmas tree will do that.

Kate just nods. There's a lump in her pocket where she hastily shoved the pony when she stepped into the apartment. She's embarrassed now to remember the brief, dumb delight it gave her in the hall.

She almost gave the pony to the youngest child, a five-year-old little girl covered in tears and snot and confusion. The sight of the girl's baffled, disbelieving grief was such an overwhelming reminder than Kate would have done anything to stop it, to help her. Her hand was half-way to her pocket when Kate stopped, horrified at herself. The kid's mother was just murdered in front of her face. A plastic toy won't fix it. Nothing will.

"Kate?" Castle says now. He's watching her, his eyes hesitant and worried. "The kids weren't hurt. They're going to be okay."

Kate sucks in sharp breath and laughs, a brittle snap of sound. "No. They won't."

She turns for the door, needing out, needing air, abruptly desperate to get away from Castle and his Pollyanna outlook that money and charm and stupid joke gifts make everything okay. She reaches in her pocket and shoves the plastic pony into Castle's hand as she pushes past him into the hall. Three doors down the cheap Christmas lights are still blinking, blinking, blinking.

"I can't take this," she mutters. And Kate doesn't know if she means the pony, or Christmas, or the faces of those motherless children who will never be able to look at Christmas lights again.

Maybe all of it.


	3. Chapter 3

"Good morning!" Castle announces from the break room doorway, all blustery cheer, loud and appearing from no where. Kate bobbles her coffee mug, the hot liquid sloshing over the edge.

"What are you doing here?" Kate huffs, shaking off her hand and reaching for a napkin. She was at the precinct until midnight last night and is working on four hours of sleep. She's not sure she can do this today.

Castle's smile is over-large and weirdly contrived, his eyes anxious and watchful. Kate very, very firmly does not consider that it might be because he's worried about her and the way she reacted to their case yesterday.

"How are you?" he asks, with that same slightly over-the-top-cheer, like he's going to make everything normal by sheer force of will.

"Fine," Kate over-enunciates, hoping he'll get the message._ Back off_. "And you?"

"Good," Castle says, stepping into the break room. He's so tall he knocks his head against the mistletoe ball swinging from the the frame. "Ow, dammit." He frowns and pushes the ball out of the way. "I'm good."

Kate narrows her eyes. He's not good. He just ignored the mistletoe ball. Someone - Ryan, probably - hung that mistletoe last week, and until just now Castle has been physically incapable of passing underneath it without making some stupid, cheesy overture to whoever happened to be closest to him at the time, usually her.

That first day he - and, okay, yes, it was funny - stood underneath the mistletoe, the leaves touching his head, a cup of coffee in either hand. He'd held one out while pointedly looking up and waggling his eyebrows. "Beckett! I have your coffee right here! Under this mistletoe!"

"Trying to get kissed, Castle?" she'd sassed as she passed him.

"You offering?" he'd volleyed back, his smile nearly splitting his face. She'd rolled her eyes and tossed her hair, and if she added a little swing to her hips on her way to her desk it was just to tease him, not because she liked the quick flare of heat in his eyes that he couldn't quite hide.

But today there is no mention of kissing and no trace of of lighthearted fun. Instead he drops the fake cheer and fixes worried eyes on her. Definitely worry. Worry that will only make everything worse.

Castle's right in front of her now, close enough to touch, and Kate's stomach bottoms out as she desperately tries to keep her face neutral.

"Beckett. About yesterday." His hand twitches towards her like he's going to brush her arm, or _shit, _touch her hand, and Kate can actually feel a rush to her head as fight or flight kicks in, because no, no, no they are not doing whatever this is first thing in the morning in the precinct break room - or ever, actually. They are not doing whatever it is Castle thinks he's doing _ever_ \- and then she's saved as Esposito strolls into the break room eating a cinnamon bun the size of his head.

"Castle." Espo half chokes on his massive cinnamon bun in surprise. "What are you doing here? It's like, 7:30."

"I wanted to ask Beckett -"

"Who know why Castle does anything?" Kate interrupts loudly, seizing the moment to slip around Castle and escape for the door. No, not _escape_, work. She has to _work_. "I'm here to work," she says, just to be clear, even though no one asked. She brushes past Espo and heads towards her desk.

"Beckett, wait."

Dammit, Castle's right behind her, sounding earnest and kind and… and he has to stop. He has to.

"What are you doing on Christmas?"

Kate gets to her desk and blindly reaches for paperwork, _any_ paperwork, while ignoring Castle, because she has to work and he needs to shut up.

"Beckett works on Christmas," Esposito offers. He and his cinnamon bun have followed them into the bullpen.

Castle glances at Espo before turning back and stepping up next to her desk. "Oh. Well, can you trade with someone? Ask off?"

"No, she works every Christmas." And Kate now can hear the warning in Esposito's voice, but Castle apparently cannot, because he doesn't even pause.

"What? _Every_ Christmas?"

"Yep," Kate forces out between her teeth, because it's actually physically difficult for her to talk about this. God, why won't he just_ stop_? "Every Christmas."

"Why?"

And it's his tone that does it, still so concerned and serious, making her throat feel hot and tight. For probably the first time since she's met him Kate wishes Castle would say something ridiculous or inappropriate or borderline offensive, because that she can deal with. But not this concern, like he really, honestly wants to know why she works every Christmas. Like he really, honestly wants to know her.

Kate forces herself to shrug. "No reason not to."

"Yo, Castle," Espo starts, and Kate can tell he's about to do her a solid and run interference, respecting the unspoken rule that they never discuss her reasons for her Christmas plans, or her mother, or her _feelings_. All the rules that Castle refuses to acknowledge and has been breaking since day one. But just then Espo's phone rings and he steps to his desk, his whole attention taken up with talking to what sounds like last night's date ("Just lock the door behind you," Espo half whispers into the phone, the dummy.) and trying not drop his cinnamon bun, leaving Kate to fend for herself.

Kate sits down, hoping Castle will get the hint, but no such luck. "You don't go to your dad's?" he asks.

"My dad's? No," Kate snaps. The first and only time she'd had Christmas alone with her dad, the day had included of a full fifth of Jack Daniels and a visit from the paramedics. Kate knows it wouldn't be like that now, and she's forgiven him, she has. It's just that forgetting is harder.

"Kate." Castles sits beside her closes his hand over her forearm, soft and gentle and oh no no no, he's moved to touching and first names, and she's in serious, serious trouble. To her absolute horror there's the hot pressure of tears behind her eyes.

Part of her wants to tell him. To try to explain what Kate doesn't even articulate to herself. That she works on Christmas because that's the only way she can make it less awful. That it's too late for her, but maybe she can help someone else, even if it's just another cop whose shift she's taking so they can be home with their kids.

And that somehow, enjoying Christmas without her mom would feel like she was forgetting her.

"I'm fine," Kate insists, even though Castle didn't ask and won't believe her. She fixes her eyes on his chest, wide and unblinking, because she's absolutely not going to cry.

Castle sighs, a soft puff against her hair, and leans even closer, so he won't be overheard. She doesn't dare turn her head. "I don't think you're fine, I think you're sad." His thumb moves, one soft brush against the skin of her inner wrist, and Kate thinks she's going to jump out of her skin. "Anyone would be, never taking a break. Come on, have Christmas Eve with us, at the loft."

For a second, before she can stop it, Kate is hit with a image of Christmas Eve at Castle's loft, of what it must be like. Martha and Alexis, warmth and family and happiness, and it fills her with an awful, dangerous yearning that definitely breaks all of her unspoken rules.

She can't. She just…Kate shakes her head. "I can't." But instead of firm and final, she sounds regretful, longing. Weak.

"You can." Castle grips her arm a little tighter. "Look, I know yesterday was awful, but you you can't let it ruin your Christmas."

"What?" Kate sits up and jerks her arm out of his hold as anger - welcome anger - washes over her like ice water, shocking and clarifying. For one impossible second she'd almost…but no. He'd never understand.

"Can't what?" she all but snarls, and the look on Castle's face would be comical if everything wasn't so terrible.

"Can't, you know, just…" Castle's practically stuttering. "Just give up on Christmas."

Kate lets out a short, ugly laugh. "So I should just give up on the victims instead? On their families? Do you think your Christmas party will make it all better for them?"

"No, Kate, of course not." Castle's eyes are enormous, his hands up like she's got a gun on him. "That's not what I meant."

"You think if I go to some Christmas party with you, I'll forget all about those kids? Those kids who no longer have a mother?"

Horrified realization sweeps across Castle's face, and shit, she's given up too much. It makes this even worse, like her pain is naked, exposed for all to see.

"No, I -"

"Maybe a pony will fix it." Kate says, harsh and hateful, a shameful part of her wanting him to feel as bad as she does.

"Beckett, I…" Castle drops his hands and leans back, a look on his face she can't read. "I just - "

Her phone rings, loud and sharp, startling them both. Castle drops his eyes and turns away as she answers.

There's a body.

* * *

"Still feeling the Christmas spirit, Castle?" Kate knows she's being terrible, but she can't seem to stop herself, not with her stomach twisted up and an ache in her chest, her heart angry and raw. Twelve hours later and this day has only gotten worse and worse.

Castle doesn't look at her. Instead he faces the two way mirror, his eyes on the broken man in the interrogation room.

The man is under arrest for the murder of a Quik Mart clerk, another holiday robbery gone horribly sideways. When they'd arrived on scene the guy was slumped against the wall, his eyes unblinking, his bloody hands cuffed in front of his drawn-up knees. The first responders reported that upon their arrival the robber was on his knees frantically giving inexpert CPR to the elderly owner of the store, even though it was obvious the old guy was gone. They had to drag him off they body, they said, while he screamed that he'd never meant to kill anyone.

"He says wanted money to get his kid a Christmas present," Castle muttered, still not looking at her. "And now another man is dead, and he's going to jail for murder." He rubs his eyebrow with the heel of his hand, like his head hurts. "His poor family."

"Which one?" Kate asks. It could be either. There's enough misery to go around.

"Both," Castle says, the defeat in his voice squeezing her chest. "All of them."

He turns toward her then, his face all wrong. He looks like she feels, and instead vindication, panic swirls in her chest. Kate was wrong. She doesn't want that at all.

* * *

Fifteen minutes later Castle carefully sets a mug full of coffee in front of her. Kate looks up and lets out a breath she didn't realize she was holding, weirdly relieved that he's still here.

"I, um…this isn't… It's not part of the bet."

Castle's staring at the top of her desk, holding himself oddly still. "So you can drink it without…" He meets her eyes for a second before dropping them again. "I mean, it was going to be for the bet. I was hoping you'd just drink it without looking at it and presto, I win the bet, but…" Castle shakes his head a little. "But it's not for the bet anymore, so you can drink it. No strings."

He steps away from her desk, his hands splayed in front of him as if to prove he has nothing to hide. "I'll talk to you tomorrow, okay?" One corner of his mouth quirks up in a sad smile, all of his childish delight and seasonal joy gone. Snuffed out, and Kate feels it like a punch to gut. She has the stupid urge to run after him. To grab his arm, to apologize, to kiss him under the stupid mistletoe ball, to accept a pony. Anything to get that look off his face.

Kate shakes her head and blinks hard against the sting in her eyes. She slowly picks up the mug, the ceramic smooth and warm against her palms. On the side is a fat, smiley cartoon pony, festooned with a scarf and a Santa hat. It's kitschy and ridiculous and absolutely not something she would ever buy for herself and totally perfect.

She raises the mug to her lips and takes a careful swallow, the warmth easing the ache in her chest, the knot in her stomach. She can't decide if the ache is guilt because she was so awful to Castle, relief that he hasn't given up on her, or fear that his is a hopeless cause.

Or maybe she's the hopeless cause.

After she finishes the coffee Kate washes and dries the mug in the break room and then sets it on her desk, right next to her monitor where she can look up and see the stupid pony's silly, happy face. After a minute she reaches up and pushes it farther away from the edge. Just in case, so it won't accidentally fall off.

Enough things are already broken.


	4. Chapter 4

It's five o'clock on Christmas Eve, and Kate hasn't heard from Castle all day.

Not that she_ expects_ to hear from him on Christmas Eve, it's just that before he left yesterday he said he'd talk to her today and he hasn't, and Kate is trying very hard not to believe that it's because he's decide he doesn't _want_ to talk to her. That after she was so horrible to him yesterday, throwing his Christmas spirit in his face and all but mocking him for being an emotionally healthy person who enjoys Christmas, and not a walking holiday disaster zone like herself, he'd realized that he was better off without her Grinchy negativity bringing down his festivities.

Better off without her negativity bringing him down, ever.

Kate slumps at her desk, the thought making her a little breathless and sick, and wow, she is being so, so stupid. She didn't sleep well last night, that's why her stomach is twisted up and her eyes feel hot. She's thinking these dumb things because she spent the night tossing and turning, swinging between anger and guilt and some indefinable panic whenever she remembers Castle's face as he left.

Maybe she should just call him, hear his voice so she can get rid of this horrible paranoia that she broke him. Just to make sure that his happy cheer is back and intact, so she can stop thinking about it. Stop thinking about him.

Kate pulls out her phone and swipes to his contact picture, the one he put in himself. It's a selfie he took with her phone last week, a close up of his face under the mistletoe ball, his mouth pursed in exaggerated kissy lips. She keeps forgetting to change it.

She pauses, her thumb hovering over the ridiculous picture. This is probably a bad idea. She shouldn't interrupt his Christmas Eve family time. And, okay, he did invite her to come over, so it stands to reason he wouldn't be totally put out by a phone call, but that was before she tried to single-handedly destroy his Christmas, so maybe she should just leave it alone.

Yes. Kate sets her phone down. She won't call. No reason to. She'll talk to him after the holidays.

It's just that he _said _he'd _call _and _what is wrong with her_? Kate drops her head to her desk with a thump. Maybe she's coming down with something. Her throat is hot and tight, and she feels like she might cry any minute over nothing. She has no idea what's wrong with her or what to do.

"Beckett?"

Kate jerks her head up so fast her neck spasms. Castle's in front of her, like a genie conjured from her hopes and wishes - her wish to _talk _to him, not...whatever. He has a cautious smile on his face and a gift bag in his hand.

"Hey!" she blurts out, somehow managing to both slam her knee into the underside of her desk and twist her probably-whiplashed neck as she yanks herself into a sitting position.

"Hey." Castle quirks an eyebrow at her. "You okay?"

"Yeah. Fine."Kate rubs her knee and tries not to grimace. "My knee hurts, I'm surprised. Not surprised my knee hurts. I mean, you surprised me." God, is she babbling? This sounds like babbling. She takes a deep breath. "I didn't expect to see you."

"Oh." Castle shifts his weight and looks unsure. "But I said I'd talk to you today?"

"I know, but…" Kate trails off, not sure how to add, but_ I was so awful to you that I was positive I'd driven you away forever, _when Castle interrupts her.

"Here." He thrusts the gift bag at her. "It's safe to open. It's not pony related."

Kate reaches out and cautiously takes the bag. "Not pony related?" If she sounds slightly confused and disappointed it's only because she so completely wasn't expecting him and is still kind of shocked that he's here. With a present. A non-pony present.

"No." Castle shakes his head, serious. "Just a regular, appropriate present. Open it."

Kate reaches into the bag and pulls out a soft, cheery scarf that could have come from the Christmas scarf collection Castle's been wearing all week. It's fuzzy, with red and green stripes, and looks like something that once belonged to Cindy Lou Who. Kate would never have bought it and she loves it completely.

"Thanks," she says, kind of horrified to discover that her voice is a little thick. Kate carefully wraps the scarf around her neck and God, why are her hands shaking? "I can't believe it doesn't have a pony on it," she adds, just to fill the silence, because Castle still has that serious, solemn look on his face.

"About that." Castle suddenly fixes his eyes on hers. "I owe you an apology."

Kate's stomach flips, because Castle's never like this, and it puts her even more off-balance than she already was. "You don't have to apologize," she says sort of desperately.

"No, I do," Castle interrupts. "I was flippant, and oblivious…and I, um… I shouldn't have made you feel like you had to feel Christmassy. I mean, I know that you don't…" He pulls in a breath and lightly touches her arm, the sensation sharp and bright, dancing along her skin like a spark. "I know I go overboard, and I over do it with the holiday cheer and the Christmas magic. I think it's because…I guess when I was a kid, things were sometimes kind of…hard."

He shakes his head a little as if to clear the memories, and Kate is struck silent. She doesn't know why she always forgets this about Castle, that he hasn't always had such a charmed life.

He takes another breath and looks up at her. "But Christmas…No matter how bad things were, or how tight the money was, Mother always made Christmas magical. It was something I could rely on. A guaranteed happiness. And then for while after college, those early years with Meredith, and when Meredith left…things weren't... I guess I was lonely."

Lonely. Her heart twists a little even if Kate can't really imagine Castle - bright, charming Castle - as sad. Can't see him ever alone.

"Anyway," he starts again, "when Alexis was little I promised her, and myself, that we would always have the most magical Christmases ever, because I know how important it can be to have that reminder that there is happiness in the world. To remember that there is magic, even in the darkest places. That's when we need it most, right? The darkest night is when the stars shine the brightest. I didn't make that up. I mean, I'm quoting-"

Castle cuts himself off and slowly exhales, while Kate can only stare at him, a lump in her throat.

"I mean, that's what Christmas is," he says, his earnest eyes on hers. "What it's supposed to be? A bright star in the night sky, a light of hope in the darkness?"

His hand drifts over, the back of his thumb just barely resting against the outside of her knee, and Kate realizes that she's holding her breath.

"I guess I just wanted to make Christmas for you what it always was for me. Hope that things can be better. I know that in this job you see the worst, and that you…you have reasons to feel that you're alone in the dark. But you're not. And I guess…I guess I just wanted to make sure you remembered the light. That's all."

Castle shakes his head again. "But I know that my way of dealing with things isn't everyone's and I'm sorry I was so pushy. I didn't mean to force Christmas on you, or make you feel like you're wrong. I should have been more sensitive."

Kate knows her eyes are huge, her mouth hanging opened, as something very like happiness swells against her ribs.

Castle stares at her, eyebrows knotted as the silence stretches out. "What? Say something. I'm starting to feel stupid."

Kate smiles at him, her lips not quite steady, and she has to swallow twice before she can speak. "Not stupid, Castle. That was actually sort of beautiful." She accidentally locks eyes with him, the look in his twisting her heart in a way that leaves her panicky and longing at the same time. "Thanks."

"Yeah?" He tilts his head, still holding eye contact. "It was beautiful? Would you maybe also call it magical? Like… Christmas magical?"

Kate can't hold back the bubble of laughter, even if it's still a little shaky. "Still trying to win the bet, Castle?" she says finally, equal parts relieved and disappointed that they've stepped back from whatever ledge they just teetered on. "I don't see how. There's no pony paraphernalia in sight."

"Beckett. Please. Remember who you're talking to." Castle offers his arm. "Come with me."

* * *

"I can't believe this," Kate says. But she can, of course she can. It's Castle.

"I know, right?" Castle sounds almost smug.

"How in the world did you know where there would be literal ponies?" Kate leans against the makeshift corral that's been set up in this busy corner of Central Park, right next to a playground. Inside the circle several adorable, real-life ponies are giving rides to small kids.

Castle shrugs. "It's a charitable organization; they do free rides for little kids every Christmas Eve. Alexis got involved a few years ago when they started training their ponies at the riding barn where she takes lessons."

Kate turns her head to look at him, his profile set off against the dark night and the twinkling lights. "A charitable organization?"

"Mmhmm." Castle murmurs. He points to a beautiful little pony with long dark mane. With every step of his happy little trot his actual jingle bells ring, causing the little girl on his back to giggle with joy. "That one right there? His name's Magic."

Something warm and bright unfolds in Kate's chest. "It's not. That Christmas Pony's name isn't really Magic."

"I promise." Castle's voice drops, serious and hot against her ear. Kate shivers, and for a moment it's like he's promising something else, something that's just out reach.

"Magic is one very cool pony," he says. "He's super gentle and loves kids. He was rescued from a petting zoo, and now he's trained to go into pediatric hospitals. To be with kids when things are hard, to give them something fun. Something special." Castle pauses, and then turns to looks at her. "He's your pony."

"He's…what?"

Castle shrugs. "Yeah, you can sponsor the ponies, you know, their living expenses, their training. So I got one in your name. I thought maybe that was the kind of gift - the kind of pony - you would like the most. One that helps other people when times are hard. Like you do."

How does he do this? There's a knot in her throat, and Kate's afraid she's about to burst into tears, but instead she manages a short, wobbly laugh. "Wow. I...I can't believe this. I can't believe you're going to get me to accept a Christmas Pony."

"I told you I'd show you Christmas Magic," Castle gloats, nudging her shoulder with his. "I think this means I win the bet."

"Yeah, you win," Kate agrees, keeping her eyes on Magic so he won't see their suspicious shine. She knows that she's the real winner tonight. "This is…thank you. I love him. Best Christmas Pony ever."

"Really?" He looks like she's given him the best present in the world. "I did it? I'm a real life Christmas Elf!"

"You are, Castle." Kate knows she's smiling like an idiot but she doesn't even care. "You're a spreader of Christmas spirit. You're like the Whos down in Whoville."

"Then my work here is done." And he's smiling at her with such fondness that Kate has to look away.

Castle brushes his shoulder against hers again, his warmth surrounding her so she doesn't even feel the cold. "A Who, huh? Does that make you a former Grinch?" He tilts his head, his eyes dancing. "Did your heart grow three sizes today?"

Kate turns to him, smiling at her like she's something special, like she's something _more_, and her heart turns a somersault, swoopy and slow. Her chest feels full and tight.

"I think it did, Castle." Her eyes are wet but she's knows it's okay. She reaches out and touches his hand, just for a second. "I think it did."

* * *

A/N -Thanks to everyone who read and reviewed as this story stretched out and I accidentally kept Christmas alive all year, lol.

And special thanks to Nic, Indrani, Kate Christie and Dia, who have been waiting for me to finish this forever for the "ThankYouTerri" Campaign and, as usual, were super nice about my lateness.:)


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